i think it is rather dangerous to have a maze of a mind.
it's like building Great Wall of China between you and reality, somehow.

anyway, if you all haven't already know, I've started school.
school, has always been a pain in the neck for me. I've never liked it, or loved it needless to say. the thought of school sets my bowel systems in motion and i experience excruciating pain in the tummy area. no kidding.
however, i must say, this time round it has been good so far. I've found new friends whom i can click with and it's not so bad (not including when assignments start to pour in) being in school itself.
the thing i found tough within the initial days was M (i know you'd read this but i think i reserve the right to pour my thoughts here). i felt, the distance wasn't justified. i felt like it was normal but on the other hand M didn't and i felt helpless in the sense, i can't change the situation because the norm for me will be to go to school and ditch everything else.
saying my thoughts out loud at Starbucks made me feel lousy all over again, like the time i had with G when school started back in 2009. honestly, i felt that it would be my turning point to begin to care less and focus only on myself because M didn't care enough to understand that school is a survival lesson these days.
honestly, it bugs me knowing that whatever i do, it can never be deemed enough for someone, so much so the time to myself virtually sums up to nothing.
does that happen to you? like time is against you.
i hate this feeling, this feeling of not being the best but instead being the lousiest because you inject so much pain and negativity in another. i prefer things simple.

i have lots of thoughts.
but ultimately, i think im just growing up.